NOTE: My statements are not necessarily my opinions. I often post point-counterpoint essays in which I strongly take one side of an issue and later counter that with antithetical views. This intellectual exercise helps me see the merit in opposing opinions and augments my creativity.

TSA: Stop wasting our time and do your job before the terrorists do theirs

After nine years and untold billions of dollars, the TSA has never caught a real terrorist but they've hassled countless millions of people, including disabled children, pilots, flight attendants, and hot Main Street USA soccer moms. They've subjected our military personnel returning from Afghanistan to searches so comically ludicrous and unnecessary that the TSA seems more at war with common sense than terrorism.

TSA

Is TSA now an acronym for
Touching Sexual Areas?

Or:
Touching Stuff Aggressively?
Trampling Several Amendments?
Totally Senseless Aggression?
Teaching Submission to Americans?
The Soviet America?
Totally Statist and Asinine?
The Socialist Agenda?
To Subjugate Americans?
Terrorists Succeeded Abundantly?

TSA screeners touched the “breast and vaginal areas” of a 12-year-old girl and put their fingers inside a pilot's pants. They exposed a woman's breasts and laughed about it. They insisted that a pregnant passenger lift up her shirt in front of people standing in line and arrested her husband when he complained about what they did to make her cry. They left a retired special education teacher covered in urine. They slammed a gal to the ground as she begged them to stop and forced another woman to remove her nipple rings with pliers. They pulled the pants off a 71-year-old man in public view after yelling at him. When he asked to speak with a supervisor, she beat on her chest and bellowed, “I have power! I have power! I have power!”

The TSA cannot stop terrorists by groping the genitals of six-year-old children, so Osama bin Laden and his many followers must be howling in laughter as they watch the federal government waste our time to put on a show of security—what one expert termed security theater: making us feel safer while doing little or nothing to actually improve security.

Terrorists could very easily bring down a jet—or dozens of them simultaneously—any time they wish. They know where the TSA looks for contraband, so they could hide explosives in other places: the stomach, rectum, other parts of the GI tract, vagina, external ear canals, nose, and nasopharynx. I had ER patients who placed drugs or even cash in a condom, which they stashed inside the vagina for safekeeping. If they can figure that out, the terrorists can, too. It's not rocket science.

If the TSA hired doctors to peer into every conceivable body cavity, terrorists could circumvent this offensively intimate screening by surgically implanting explosives in breast implants, the abdomen, or any part of the body. A little anesthetic, make an incision, insert the bomb, and suture the wound closed. In fact, it's so easy that anyone could do it in a few minutes. Hiding a bomb inside a uterus wouldn't even require a scalpel or sutures, just something to dilate the cervix. A Bic® pen would suffice.

TSA screeners of the future?

Unless the TSA plans to do exploratory surgery and literally dissect passengers as part of the screening process, terrorists are bound to figure out how to foil the TSA screening procedures. Anyone nuts enough to blow himself up on a plane won't care if the explosive is in his rectum or surgically implanted where no finger or scope can reach. At least one Jihadist surgeon is contemplating this method of concealing explosives to create a wave of undetectable Frankenbombers. If they can't find enough suicide bombers willing to die for the chance to meet 72 virgins in Heaven, they could implant explosives inside unsuspecting people during routine operations and create incentives for the patients to travel afterward.

UPDATE: US warning of airline plot to implant bombs in people.

The TSA announced that it won't perform cavity checks because secondary screening procedures and technology can find fuses and detonators, which they claim must be outside the body. Wrong. I won't give Al-Qaeda a tutorial on how to construct an integrated bomb, but this is so simple that they are bound to figure it out.

An article published in the Journal of Transportation Security reveals that airport x-ray backscatter units are almost worthless when terrorists know a simple way to defeat them:

“It is very likely that a large (15-20 cm in diameter), irregularly-shaped, cm-thick pancake with beveled edges, taped to the abdomen, would be invisible to this technology, ironically, because of its large volume, since it is easily confused with normal anatomy. Thus, a third of a kilo of PETN, easily picked up in a competent pat down, would be missed.”

If the TSA could buy some yet-to-be-invented miracle scanner that could see through the body to detect any hidden explosives without making people glow in the dark afterward, then would we be safe?

Hardly. If a terrorist knew what I know about science, he wouldn't need to bring any explosive on board to blow up a plane. Urine, sugar, and flour can each easily be turned into an explosive during a flight. I assume that at least a few terrorists read science books and can think outside-the-box. Furthermore, explosives are just one of our many worries. Terrorists with ingenuity but no weapons could easily commandeer an airliner and achieve their goal of planting a jet into the White House.

How many terrorists look like this? ZERO!

If the TSA wants to do its job instead of pretending to do that, it must begin profiling the obvious suspects, but our spineless politicians won't give TSA the green light to do what needs to be done. Federal leaders are more concerned with being politically correct than correct. It is easy for them to be so cavalier about safety when they know they are safe on their chartered jets. They won't die for their bad decisions; Main Street Americans will. Perhaps you or a loved one. Perhaps your entire family, snuffed out so Barack Obama can continue to pat himself on the back.

The probability of dying from radiation from a body scanner and that of being killed in a terror attack are roughly the same. About one in 30 million.” If the sole purpose of body scanning is to save lives, aren't these expensive and intrusive scanners doing just as much harm as good? Given that body scanners are certainly not the only defense against terrorists targeting airlines, it seems that scanners are much more of a threat to your health than terrorists are.

The foremost responsibility of the government is to protect our rights, not our safety. That's why the federal government has compelled millions of citizens to become soldiers and put their lives on the line. Most American men didn't need government threats to force them to fight and die if necessary to defend our freedoms, so it is alarming when the government violates our constitutional rights on such a widespread scale and expects us to accept this infringement so it can congratulate itself for being politically correct.

John Mica (R-FL), the Congressman who helped create the TSA, now says he refers to it as “my bastard child, or the monster that we created.” On Freedom Watch (11-20-2010), he added that airports can opt out of TSA screening; “about 20 have chosen to opt out.” He agreed that current TSA screenings cannot detect explosives placed in body cavities.

Since traveling in airliners is safer than driving, by insisting on offensive but pointless searches and scans, the TSA is deterring people from flying. With more people on the road, more will die in traffic accidents. This is not a minor point. About 40,000 Americans die each year in traffic accidents—an amount that dwarfs the 9-11 death toll. If TSA searches and scans are solely intended to maximize safety, they cannot be so much of a deterrent to flying that people choose to drive instead.

If the TSA isn't making us safe, is it doing anything besides wasting our time and money and subjecting us to searches that even a former TSA official admitted are unconstitutional?

Yes! As TSA workers paw their way through checked luggage, they are bound to touch underwear soiled by feces and oozing STD lesions. If the TSA cared about your health, they would insist that screeners don fresh gloves so germs from someone's infectious diarrhea or genital pus won't be transferred to your underwear, handkerchief, or toothbrush. TSA screeners do pat-downs with gloves contaminated by other passengers or by idiotic hygienic practices, so you could contract herpes or worse.

FOX News suggested that Obama and his family demonstrate their support for TSA procedures by going to Washington National Airport and receiving the same scans and pat-downs as other passengers—as if that would ever happen! In my opinion, touching their bodies and especially genitalia with gloves contaminated by other passengers is an assault, but if it is an assault to risk their health, it's equally criminal to risk ours.

You are inconsequential cattle to the TSA, so gloves aren't changed, becoming fomites: inanimate objects capable of transmitting infectious organisms from one person to another. You don't matter. Your health doesn't matter. Your constitutional rights don't matter. They are the federal government, and in their minds, you are just one of the many sheeple who let them get away with murder. You don't put your foot down and draw a line in the sand, so they walk all over you.

And the worst part? It's all for naught. The TSA can give us nightmares, but can't stop any terrorist with a brain. We get security theater, not security.

However, terrorists aren't the only ones laughing at us. TSA workers jokingly refer to backscatter x-ray scanners as “penis measuring devices” (although they typically substitute the four-letter locker-room slang for “penis”).

Some people suspect this X-rated Neanderthal behavior is one of the many not-so-subtle ways our federal government is deliberately provoking us, testing our willingness to endure unconstitutional indignities so our leaders can safely up the ante and continue to wage a more effective war against us than the terrorists. Federal leaders want to teach us an important lesson: no matter how harebrained or unconstitutional their rules are, we must abide by them or face fines, imprisonment, assaults, or ridicule from boorish TSA workers. While running for office, politicians pretend to care about us. After winning elections, most of them write laws to force us on to our knees.

When asked why Americans think so little of Obama's policies, Vice President Joe Biden replied, “I think what it is, is he’s so brilliant”—implying that we aren't smart enough to understand the many inscrutable decisions he makes, from abusing the Constitution, to siding with terrorists, to letting TSA workers contaminate your toothbrush. That's so brilliant that no one can understand it, or defend it, yet Obama refuses to rein in the TSA.

Oh, guess who ordered the nude body scanners? Barack Obama. He's probably laughing, too, along with the terrorists and TSA cretins joking about measuring genitalia.

The biggest joke of them all? That the government thinks we still owe it respect when they've worked overtime to earn our contempt. If Barack is foolish and delusional enough to run for reelection in 2012, he will find out how much we respect him.

Thomas Sawyer, the retired special education teacher left soaked in urine, said, “I want safety for all passengers . . . but if this country is going to sacrifice treating people like human beings in the name of safety, then we have already lost the war.”

On November 22nd 2010, three FOX & Friends hosts (Gretchen Carlson, Steve Doocy, and Brian Kilmeade) interviewed TSA Administrator John Pistole and not one asked him the obvious question: why subject millions of innocent travelers to screening that cannot detect explosives in body cavities? If terrorists want to blow up planes, that's exactly where they will place them. Just wait and see.

Related topics

1. Former Director admits TSA is violating the Fourth Amendment
2. Woman groped by TSA screener

The views expressed on this page may or may not reflect my current opinions, nor do they necessarily represent my past ones. After reading a slice of what I wrote in my various websites and books, you may conclude that I am a liberal Democrat or a conservative Republican. Wrong; there is a better alternative. Just as the primary benefit from debate classes results when students present and defend opinions contrary to their own, I use a similar strategy as a creative writing tool to expand my brainpower—and yours. Mystified? Stay tuned for an explanation. PS: The wheels in your head are already turning a bit faster, aren't they?

“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald

Reference: Imagining dialogue can boost critical thinking: Excerpt: “Examining an issue as a debate or dialogue between two sides helps people apply deeper, more sophisticated reasoning …”

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